Cheap Caviar?!?! Doesn’t Exist.
So as you all know, we’re going through an economic depression. Unemployment’s high, cost of living is increasing, and optimistic projections put recovery outside of 2010. So what’s one to do?
BUY CAVIAR.
Caviar’s been synonymous with wealth and IS a luxury item, so when I found out that I could buy some “caviar” at a discount, I ran at the opportunity to cheaply finagle my way into the upper crust of society; if only in my own mind.
[The “Caviar” in question. (Words in quotations followed by the phrase ‘in question’ is what readers refer to as foreshadowing.)]
At IKEA, they’re selling lumpfish caviar for an amazingly affordable price of $3.49 for a 2.8oz bottle and it’s a steal compared to the $200.oo asking price of a similar size of Russian Sevruga caviar. BAM…for $5.oo I bought the caviar and a pack of crackers and I was instantly transposed to the same socioeconomic level as the Monopoly guy.
I’ve never had high quality caviar before, so I have nothing to really compare it to, but it is very similar to miniature versions of any other fish roe: salty, has a little bite to it, and (to be a food snob) has its own peculiarities. It wasn’t amazing, and it wasn’t bad; but who cares what it tasted like, I was eating caviar like a 19th century railroad tycoon.
[“The economy is in a downturn you say? My caviar is getting warm.”]
But then some questions came up in my head.
- How come this caviar was so much cheaper than other caviars?
- Is caviar supposed to taste like this?
- What exactly is a lumpfish?
After eating a plate of crackers with caviar, cream, and tomatoes; I googled what a lumpfish was and this is what I found.
[“WHAT THE WHAT?!?!”, I exclaimed. “Maybe it has a good personality.”]
That’s why it’s so cheap. Just look at it. Even if you were blind your entire life, and you were miraculously given the ability to see, and if this was the first thing you saw, you’d think that the gift of sight was a cruel, cruel curse.
After finding out where my “caviar” came from, my ticket to the upper crust just turned into a $3.49 bottle of fish eggs from a freaking ugly fish. Maybe it has a good personality. Taste-wise, the lumpfish eggs actually well-worth the money; but it’s just not enough to make you one of the rich guys.
[The fish eggs taste good…but it just isn’t caviar.]
